31 Days Walking Through Chronic Illness
day twenty~two
“We want suffering to be like pregnancy~we have a season, and it’s over, and there is a tidy moral to the story”
Quote from Jason Tippetts from The Hardest Peace by Kara Tippetts
This cooler autumn day finds me layered up with fuzzy socks and the orange bathrobe. Again.
Longing for warmth as the sun slashes across the floor. I stand in the warm spot, bringing feeling back into my toes. Scoot Lola, my furry friend over a bit, to share the spot with me.
The frailties of my human flesh curl up next to me. Close. Humility comes in the aching bones and shuffling feet.
Weakness, where muscles were once strong and lean. The zippy pace I once moved with, evaporated. Faded into my old life. Buried in the past.
“I’ve come to sense that isn’t what faith is at all. What if there is never an end? What if the story never improves and the tests continue to break our hearts? Is God still good?” Kara Tippets~The Hardest Peace
Is God still good? In this frailer way of life?
Oh yes, you shaped me first inside, then out; you formed me in my mother’s womb.
I thank you, High God~you’re breathtaking!
Body and soul, I am marvelously made! I worship in adoration~what a creation!
You know me inside and out, you know every bone in my body;
You know exactly how I was made, bit by bit, How I was sculpted from nothing into something.
Like an open Book you watched me grow from conception to birth; all the stages of my life were spread out before you,
The days of my life all prepared before I’d even lived one day.
Psalm 139:13~16 The Message
Yes. Yes, I believe he is still good. I was formed by his hands, molded and sculpted. Marvelously made, P.O.T.S. and all. My life planned out before me.
It brings me to my knees when I ponder this, in the frailty of my life as it is.
He knew this day, this season would come. Knew it would bring the humbling, the surrendering of all that I am.
Knew that I would slowly come ’round to the yielding. The end of myself.
Frailty does that to a soul. Brings you into a place of complete dependence.
I can look at this as a curse, or I can choose to see it as his marvelous work.
I choose to be his marvelous work. Made bit by bit.
Marvelous: breathtaking, extraordinary beauty. Words that makes me feel special. Cherished. Chosen especially for this.
Choosing to worship in it.
The other option. To give up and give in. I don’t like the ring it has. The darkness, the finality of it all.
“Each day we were given we had the privilege to fight to be faithful in it. We simply didn’t know what that faithfulness would look like, but we trusted Jesus to be gentle in teaching us the footing.” Kara Tippets~The Hardest Peace
Times my footing is shaky in my faith. When all the intentionality in choosing worship over whining and cursing, nowhere to be found.
I have to go back to that marvelous work he tells me I am. Open His book, run my finger across his words.
It could be a harder story, as I look around and see there are those walking a stonier path.
“Time is a relentless river. It rages on, a respecter of no one. And this, this is the only way to slow time: When I fully enter time’s swift current, enter into the current moment with the weight of all my attention, I slow the torrent with the weight of me all here.”
Ann Voskamp~One Thousand Gifts
I slow the time when I take his face in my hands, breathe him in. Worship.
It is the only way to not get caught up in the current of my disease. Not to let it wash me away.
To have hope in what seems hopeless and never ending.
The daily~ness of living in my frailty.
Yes, He is good, and though it is hard, it is a thing of beauty to be in this place of total dependence.
Gifts of Grace
Tammy Mashburn
#write31days
write31days.com
“a thing of beauty to be in this place of dependence” … Oh, Tammy … I love your focus on the Lord — the tenderness you share with Him. Praying you and Lola stay warm today. ❤
I love your focus – off the pain and onto the relief-giver! Praise Him in the storm!
Amen Carol! Either that or sink in the storm!! Thank you for stopping by.
XO
Tammy
“Choosing to worship in it.” You, Tammy, are brave and courageous. xo
This is a profound truth for all involved the one going through it and those who support them. It often is not over neatly and quickly. I love that you are seeking Him more and more. You inspire me!
Thank you once again, Karen for your kind and encouraging words.
XO
Tammy
This is so beautiful and so encouraging. Yes — total dependence, though hard, is the best place to be. Thanks for sharing your story!
Thank you Ali Grace for stopping by & for the encouraging words!
XO
Tammy
Thank you for sharing your heart. What a beautiful testimony of the Lord in your life. Stopping by as a fellow #write31days blogger. God bless you!
Thank you neighbor for stopping by. As soon as I get dinner cleaned I can’t wait to catch up on today’s reading!
God Bless You!
XO
Tammy
Wow. That first quote hit me and I realised that I have been like that in dealing with friends with chronic illness. It is harder to know how to encourage them and support them for the long term with a mindset like that. You inspire me with your words today.
Thank you Jodi! And thank you for stopping by!
XO
Tammy
I appreciate this and your focus on God.
Love this post Tammy… so many great nuggets of truth. So glad that I got your post in the 5-4-5 today!!
I found this to be very encouraging for any one who has an illness.We tend to take our health
for granted. We forget how bad things can get in our lives. We moan over a headache or back
ache.We simple forget about those who suffer on a daily basis. Very up lifting for all.
Your Faith is awesome. Keep it up Tammy. You sure in courage your Mom. Love you so much.
Keep up good work.
Mom